I have found myself always creating accounts to write blogs, and ultimately hardly posting in them. No one ever reads these things unless you have been a member for quite some time. But at least there is a quicker way to write down how I am feeling without obtaining a wrist cramp.

I found out through an anonymous message on Facebook that my step-mother is 3 months pregnant. I am concerned and perhaps a little jealous. It is not like my step-mother and father recently found out. They have known she has been pregnant for all this time. And what concerns me is that a few years ago my father stated that he wanted a child at an older age so that once said child grows up, it will be stable enough to take care of my father when he’s old and feeble. How incredibly selfish, but I wouldn’t expect anything less from my father. He has 5 biological children and has done nothing to take care of them. He has kicked every single one of us out of his house because he assumes we’re all conspirators. That poor baby will grow in the environment I tried so hard to escape from for years. I wish I could take it away.

I have been struggling with my disorder for awhile now. Everything sits unfairly in my stomach and makes me sick. That ‘voice’ keeps coming back; you’re a disappointment and you will never be good enough. I wish there was a way I could help myself and others. I wish too much, obviously.

I graduate from high school in less than three weeks. The end of this Hell is finally here. Moving to Virginia was a-okay. Attending the high school is bollocks. The people are rude and catty. If you don’t own a cow or some farm animal, everyone shuns you. Sorry, but smelling like animal shit is not ideal for me and I should be shunning you for wanting to actually live that lifestyle. No offense to anyone wanting to pursue a life in agriculture. But owning a horse or a cow does not justify whether a person should be talked about as if they didn’t matter. People are so childish. The people in school act as if their lives will affect my future. I could not care less about the people who actually think their ignorant opinions bother me. If you are ignorant, that is your own problem and never mine. I know I can at least live a happy life with my open-mind of knowledge. I will never again have to see these people. And I thank God for that everyday.